he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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