I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I wish they made helmets for livers.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
