so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
