my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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