Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Randomize
