We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Randomize
