fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
