She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Send help, water and tortillas.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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