I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Do vagina's smell?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
