whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i came on her dog
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
