Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize