Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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