i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
