I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
