epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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