You're a womanizer and a bitch.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
