It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize