He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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