We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
