I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
