I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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