Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
