Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
