hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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