Are we in a gay sports bar?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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