census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
