I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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