well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
