Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
