Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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