just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
