Will you blow on my dice?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
