Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
