don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
