So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He? As in you personified your dick?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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