Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
