she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
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His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
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Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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