woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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