just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
handjob tips. give me some.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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