You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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