Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
