And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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