she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
