The maid of honor just puked.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
