i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
