she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
