you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
