so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
