I wanna bring you to show and tell
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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