Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
