And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
