party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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