i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize