Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
it's great music for shaving your balls
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
