He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
