Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
