I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
organizing the empties. That sober.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises