I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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