Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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