why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Be still, my beating vagina.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
