I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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