I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
