I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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