you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize